Reflections: October 15, 2009
Yesterday someone posed the question "Does God use many circumstances to guide us to a certain job or mate or city?” And many agreed that yes he does. Currently, I’m reading Searching to Fill the Void by Sonia Adams and in it she tells of her search to find love, happiness and a mate. It’s a very powerful book that will open your eyes about how important it is to first find God and then he will lead you to a mate. Sister Sonia tells about her taking a big risk to leave a comfortable job as a teacher to attend the calling of Seminary. After leaving it all behind she met her husband there and has been granted many opportunities and blessings in her life. Also she shares the stories of many inspiring First Ladies and their journey to finding their husbands.
This book has been out there for a few years, and I just discovered it and it came to me at a crucial time in my life. My first marriage wasn’t a pleasant experience, I married a man who was emotionally cold and abusive and in a short time, I found myself walking away from that. But even though things turned out so badly, I wanted to still not give up on love. After my divorce, I tried dating again and ended up in a tragic situation after going out on a date with a guy I met online. I thought he was perfect for me, he was tall and very charming, and he claimed to be a regular church-going man. We went out a few times and on our 3rd date I was falling for the whole thing. That night I was so caught up in emotions that I didn’t notice how he downed a whole bottle of wine in a short period. In a few moments his demeanor had changed and he became very strange and started calling me by his ex-wife’s name and just went crazy.
I tried to get out of the situation by just going along with it and managed to get out of the restaurant and got him to take me home. I was hoping that I would just get dropped off at home but he pulled a gun out on me and held me hostage in my apartment and throughout the ordeal I feared for my life. The only saving grace came in a parking lot when I persuaded him to take me there to go get food, he left me in the car and I called the police. After that situation I became bitter, cold, and angry. My house was no longer a home, and I no longer felt safe. I slept every night with the lights on and a baseball bat under my pillow till my lease expired. I moved and although I had changed residences, I still lived in fear. One day I went to church and saw him in the pews, and I experienced panic to the point where my new apartment became my prison; I started hoarding things like crazy and looking to see if he might have found my new place. In hindsight, I regret trying to take things into my own hand; I wanted to have a mate so badly that I went looking instead of waiting and put myself into circumstances that God didn’t have for me.
Right now at this point, I’m learning to bounce back, I prayed for God to cut the soul ties between me and my attacker and some other unholy individuals. I’ve been praying for forgiveness for the incident and asked God to take the bitter roots out of my heart and spirit towards him and what he did to me. And as I’ve been working on that, I have been reading and working on the exercises presented in the book and they have helped me to foster an open dialogue with God as to what I need to do and where I need to go. Recently, I was blessed to be reacquainted with someone who has been really sweet and kind to me and for the first time in a long time, I’ve felt safe for a change. I’m fond of him, and even though he’s a really busy guy at times, I do still appreciate his friendship, and respect, and companionship. Even if he isn’t the one, he has been a breath of fresh air and an inspiration to me and such a blessing because he’s taught me through this friendship that I don’t have to stay hurt anymore and that it is possible to love again.
This book has been out there for a few years, and I just discovered it and it came to me at a crucial time in my life. My first marriage wasn’t a pleasant experience, I married a man who was emotionally cold and abusive and in a short time, I found myself walking away from that. But even though things turned out so badly, I wanted to still not give up on love. After my divorce, I tried dating again and ended up in a tragic situation after going out on a date with a guy I met online. I thought he was perfect for me, he was tall and very charming, and he claimed to be a regular church-going man. We went out a few times and on our 3rd date I was falling for the whole thing. That night I was so caught up in emotions that I didn’t notice how he downed a whole bottle of wine in a short period. In a few moments his demeanor had changed and he became very strange and started calling me by his ex-wife’s name and just went crazy.
I tried to get out of the situation by just going along with it and managed to get out of the restaurant and got him to take me home. I was hoping that I would just get dropped off at home but he pulled a gun out on me and held me hostage in my apartment and throughout the ordeal I feared for my life. The only saving grace came in a parking lot when I persuaded him to take me there to go get food, he left me in the car and I called the police. After that situation I became bitter, cold, and angry. My house was no longer a home, and I no longer felt safe. I slept every night with the lights on and a baseball bat under my pillow till my lease expired. I moved and although I had changed residences, I still lived in fear. One day I went to church and saw him in the pews, and I experienced panic to the point where my new apartment became my prison; I started hoarding things like crazy and looking to see if he might have found my new place. In hindsight, I regret trying to take things into my own hand; I wanted to have a mate so badly that I went looking instead of waiting and put myself into circumstances that God didn’t have for me.
Right now at this point, I’m learning to bounce back, I prayed for God to cut the soul ties between me and my attacker and some other unholy individuals. I’ve been praying for forgiveness for the incident and asked God to take the bitter roots out of my heart and spirit towards him and what he did to me. And as I’ve been working on that, I have been reading and working on the exercises presented in the book and they have helped me to foster an open dialogue with God as to what I need to do and where I need to go. Recently, I was blessed to be reacquainted with someone who has been really sweet and kind to me and for the first time in a long time, I’ve felt safe for a change. I’m fond of him, and even though he’s a really busy guy at times, I do still appreciate his friendship, and respect, and companionship. Even if he isn’t the one, he has been a breath of fresh air and an inspiration to me and such a blessing because he’s taught me through this friendship that I don’t have to stay hurt anymore and that it is possible to love again.
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